Why am I still haunted by the pass??? I have to move on...I must move on!!!
my dreams 8:01 AM
Is it too late? I guess so...it all ended when im so determined to end it...you could have mentioned or dropped a bigger bomb on yourself...at least even if there's nothing, i still have a confirmation...for now, i wish i was still as ignorant as before...at least i dun hv to self-blame and at least, i dun hv to push myself so hard to prove jia was wrong......it's all too late...anw, i thank you for all the wonderful memories.
I wish you all the best and you take care...
Time passes fast...so fast that we have all graduated for 2 yrs already. During these 2 yrs ppl changed...so much that sometimes we cant even recognise them...is this the person i used to noe? i duno and it will only be when we meet up again. I wanna go back to the environment that i can be the carefree dee.........
But, life still goes on......
my dreams 7:01 AM
Is it me and my confidence or what? i really duno...feel lyk a burden to her is what is in my mind...dere are ppl much much better...despite its alr the last 8, we still cant work out wif each other...now its not jus WSC...
class presentations...i nv admit or once think that we are the best...nw it still remains the same...mayb i kinda dun lyk tt kind of comparisons ba...no idea...
haiz...depressed...i tried it doesnt cut with finger nails...or mayb its jus moodswings?
Pls dont ask me why i nv tell you...i believe u noe y more than anyone else...thx
my dreams 7:57 AM
ok ok so what have i declared? the blog is ROTTEN!!!!hmm...it will be a long post....ok first of all, acknowledgments...Thank you ppl for the wonderful bdae gifts!!!TO:Mummy and Daddy for the wonderful pen...2 Ds thx for the RCT 3 tt my com cant play...heheMaternal gram for the red packet...Jia min, Yvonne, Wan Hin, Rozi neighbour, Kumar, Weiling and Htoo for the cute cuddle teddy!!!Ira and Joey for the lady-like pouch...hahaNi Ni, Zi Wei, Choy Ling, Wai Yeng, Thiri for the 2 bottles of perfume...hehe Jia Yan and Jia Hui for the diary and pencil case...ok i shall admit im a strawberry shortcake lover....Jia's father for the red packet...Thank you for all the wonderful gifts...i love them loads...kk...switch mood...since sch starts, its been hard for me to get use to everything...dun ask me why but i just feel weird...mayb bcuz of the previous attachment ba...den str8 aft tt was sch, i felt really really tired.haven been able to get use to yr 2 until wk 4 or 5 or even until nw...wad a sch term...life been hectic...wen u got use to one, another crops up...everything jus seems so different now...everything is squashed up, attachments are in sch term n jus b4 exams den hols also attachment...haiz den lab test retest all so early...things have changed...jus when you were in ur midst of thinking if you will be selected or not, your heart is no longer dere...mayb wen my name appeared on the screen i was happy for tt moment ba...soon aft tt im really asking myself am i doing for the country, or jus doing for the sake of doing?haiz...one heavy heavy burden! nw better still all more squashed up...haiz...i noe tk it easy tk it easy...but its not so easy...coz everything is so different...why is it in a gp of 3, sumhw im the one not partnered up...i noe its not easy dere ll always b a pair tts closer...i noe i hv tried it b4 but agn why is it always happening to me?! i rather be lyk my fellow ex com mates...free and easy...our life is not bout this com...but i only can change my concept...its too late to do anything...hopes everything ll go well...changed changed changed...tired of all the changes...mayb its all the different changes tt adds up ba...im burnt out...all have changed...no more toking in lec halls...no more jking...no more no more no more!!!!project gp is weird...small gp ok la...ppl ok la jus tt kumar is always bickering wif me...apart frm tt its jus so diff...i hv no motivation to do projects no motivation to study...seriously, i really duno wad im doing all this for...i ll sign bond but deres a time tt i hv sec tots bout becoming a nurse...what have become of me...dun ask me i hv no idea...all i noe is tt i hv changed and im super good at escaping but pls pls pls dun bring back the topic all my light hearted heart will jus sink to the end of the sea.its lyk i duno...its weird...im escaping but im not surviving.haiz...exams over but so far so good...i thank god for the help...damn my damn heart my damn brain...im hating myself more and more.seriously...im stupid and dumb and ass...why cant i jus live my own life...haiz...aunty's visiting ba...but at least daddy noes wad im gg thru...
my dreams 7:54 AM
Though the stupid setback seems so small...and yt y have i determined to work hard...i put in my best, practice as often as i could...and yt, my confidence is still all the way at the bottom of the valley? mention of written test, oral test...i can still do it...and yt, tok bout prac everythings goes down agn...WHY? WHY? WHY? why is it so hard for me to climb up once agn...i really duno wad i shld do...be myself...hw do i go bout doing it?u tell me " this is not the cheerful and lively deanna tt i noe." but yt, all i could ans u was "im tired". i really really tried my best to hide my feelings...so tt those arnd me wont gt affected...but everything is jus building up......i cant gt them out....i really feel lyk giving upu ask me hw was training today...i cant ans u on fone but i can tell u now, i seriously nv enjoyed it today...because...i duno if i shld gif up...but if i gif up nw, i wont even noe who am i le...i can pass this time, but the next time? den wad bout WSC? shld i still go on when everyone arnd is the crim of the maze? i am losing myself day by day le......when will i breakdwn i nv noe........
my dreams 5:38 AM
seriously, why is the freaking world so freaking realistic...i really duno hw i shld carry on wif the life in the world...even the most realistic human jia said...nw jus seems to 'poof!' n gone!!! im left alone.........step out, or shld i jus hate it...jerks!!! totally sux......really...F. the whole damn situation...i just wish u freaking idiot can be more straight forward...i heck if we were friends...i heck for everything we share...jus tell me n be done with it......but anw...no more chance to do tt le...for everything has jus 'poof!' in my heart......my life ll go on.....all by myself......
my dreams 7:37 AM
dee is sick......
dee is tired......
should i say i have had enough?!
wadever...as of october 2007...everything shall end.......i thank you for the memories......but lets stop everything.........
my dreams 9:02 AM
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